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funnygirl85's journal
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So, my mom has to go to the hospital tomorrow to get a scope of her esophagus and the surrounding area. She has been having problems swallowing for a while and she has recently been told that she has severe acid refulx disease. Now, my mom, being who she is, claims that it's not a big problem and hasn't been going on for that long but I know for a fact that the swallowing issue has been going on since at least my graduation from Ridley. The doctors aren't completely sure what the problem is but they don't think that it's too serious at this point. They are doing the scope to make sure that there aren't any tumours or other abnormalities and if they find any they will do a biopsy at that time. Both of my parents are in complete denial of the possibility that it could be serious and are just going along saying that everything will be fine. Obviously, I'm not like them at all and after what happened to John I can't just pretend that it's nothing at all. The symptoms that my mom has are eerily similar to the symptoms that Gwen told me John had and she also told me that John's cancer was caused by acid reflux disease. I'm freaking out a little. I have this terrible feeling that if something serious was going on my mom wouldn't tell me and would possibly not even tell my father. I'm trying not to be stressed about it until I know something concrete but it's hard...she's my mom. I just lost John. It's still too new.
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So, I saw Dreamgirls last night and it was absolutely amazing. The entire cast did a great job (including Beyonce and we all know that I don't like her) but I must say that Jennifer Hudson totally stole the show. She be up for Best Supporting Actress but this was her movie. She repeatedly gave me chills and actually moved me to tears at one point. You don't have to try very hard to figure out what song that was....The whole thing was phenomenal from start to finish and Hudson has one hell of a career in front of her. Aside from that, I am totally off kilter today...I'm completely drained and I have no idea why. My mind is racing a mile a minute and I seriously can't get the voices in my head to shut the fuck up. This is odd because I've gotten very good at that lately. In fact, just the other day I was telling Jamie that he needs to stop thinking so much and just let some things be...too bad I can't seem to take my own advice right now. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm confused and I really want some chocolate but I won't do it...I won't give in. I'm doing to well to let one off day get me down. I'll just go watch Grey's, CSI and ER and hope that helps.
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So, evidently I haven't posted in a really long time...I was rather busy between moving, Christmas, my trip to NYC and now weeks of job hunting. So, what's been going on? I've been applying to a million jobs and having no luck...I've only had 2 interviews, both of which were a total waste of my time and gas. The first one was at a music school in Grimsby and when I got there they told me that they didn't actually need a voice or piano teacher...so why the hell did they tell me to come for an interview?? The second one was for a marketing firm in Hamilton and when I got THERE I was told that the manager was on a conference call and that the receptionist would be doing my interview. So, that interview lasted less than 5 minutes and how can someone possibly know whether or not to hire you when their secretary spoke to you for a couple of minutes? They can't...so I didn't get that job either. Since I'm not in school and I have no job I decided that I would audition for GCP's production of Me and My Girl, figuring it would give me something to do and that if I ended up with a job that I hate (which is looking very likely) I will at least be doing something that I like. So, I auditioned this weekend and I got in...so, I'd better get practicing my british accent. Looks like it's going to be a fun cast...there are of course a few of the regulars that I know from The Legends and there a few people around my age, so that's good since most of my friends aren't in St. Kitts anymore. At my audition I realized just how much I miss performing...it was the first time I'd sung since the beginning of May and that's unheard of for me. However, I needed to take that time to process losing John and to just figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. I'm getting back in touch with who I am and this show is certainly going to help. The other thing that will help is the fact that I am melting. I have started a plan called the 6 Week Body Makeover and I lost 8 pounds in the first week. I lost 3 pounds before I started so I'm down 11 total and I'm hoping to lose another 30 before the show opens. If all goes as planned I should be down 70 by summer which would put me into a size 10/12. Once I get there I will figure out how much longer it will take me to lose the last 30 pounds. Other than that not much has been going on but I must say that I am loving Jamie right now (and yes, I know you are reading this). Thanks to him I am totally getting my broadway on. I now have complete recordings of 45 musicals...happy birthday to me! I will be listening to Broadway for weeks. THANKS! Okay, I've rambled long enough...on to something productive.
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Why must life require money? I cut my hours this semester so that I could focus on school...and it worked...I have the best GPA I've ever had in university...but I am so totally broke. It doesn't help that Swiss Chalet screwed up again and didn't file my termination papers on time. That means that the $200 that they owe me in vacation pay won't actually be mine until the next pay day...which is in two weeks...and I will have already moved by then, so I will have to wait God-only-knows how long for them to mail it to St. Catharines.
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So, I've talked/come back in contact with a few old friends lately and it's been really nice. It's nice to go home sometimes.
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2 am and I'm still awake writing this song.
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1) I just want this semester to be over so I can graduate
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So, I just got my exam schedule and I am totally unimpressed. When examining this one must keep in mind that this is my final set of university exams...ever... I have 5 exams and they fall within a week. Yes, one week... Conducting on the 11th at 630pm. and for the grand finale... CP102 (yes, that is first year computers) on the 18th at 2pm. It makes me want to cry. For those who are unaware, December 18th is my 21st birthday. I have my last (Ever) university exam on my 21st birthday. Why does the world hate me??
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Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne Na na Na na na na na I miss you Miss you so bad I don't forget you Oh it's so sad I hope you can hear me I remember it clearly The day you slipped away Was the day I found It won't be the same Oh Na na Na na na na na I didn't get around to kiss you Goodbye on the hand I wish that I could see you again I know that I can't oh... I hope you can hear me Cause I remember it clearly The day you slipped away Was the day I found It won't be the same Oh I've had my wake up Won't you wake up I keep asking why And I can't take it It wasn't fake It happened you passed by Now you're gone Now you're gone There you go There you go Somewhere I can't bring you back Now you're gone Now you're gone There you go There you go Somewhere you're not coming back The day you slipped away Was the day I found It won't be the same The day you slipped away Was the day I found It won't be the same No Na na Na na na na na I miss you Thank You For The Music - ABBA I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before But I have a talent, a wonderful thing cause everyone listens when I start to sing I'm so grateful and proud All I want is to sing it out loud So I say Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing Thanks for all the joy they're bringing Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? So I say thank you for the music For giving it to me Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk She says I began to sing long before I could talk And I've often wondered, how did it all start? Who found out that nothing can capture a heart Like a melody can? Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan So I say Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing Thanks for all the joy they're bringing Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? So I say thank you for the music For giving it to me I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair I wanna sing it out to everybody What a joy, what a life, what a chance! So I say Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing Thanks for all the joy they're bringing Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? So I say thank you for the music For giving it to me Will I ever get over this?
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worried
apathetic
creative
anxious
blah
contemplative
melancholy
irritated